Beeminder Forum

Conversations with my mother: Thank you, Beeminder!

I can’t quite recall when I first read about the idea of using Beeminder to remind yourself of doing something nice for someone else. There was someone who beeminded doing something for their partner, and someone who tracked the number of dates they went on with their spouse.

At some point in 2016, I had just moved to a new country after looking after my mother during a period of serious illness for a couple of years. I wanted to make sure I was staying in touch, so I set up a Beeminder goal to make sure to give her a call every week or so, give or take a few days depending on how busy I was.

On Wednesday my mother passed away. I was with her when it happened. It wasn’t a surprise; we knew it was coming, but it’s still a huge shock. You don’t know how terrible it is to lose your mother until it happens to you.

This morning I went back to my Beeminder goal. (Actually there were two; I created a second one this year after a short break). In the past 5 years, I called her 270 times. Whenever I called, we talked usually for an hour or so. So that’s somewhere on the order of 200 or 250 hours I spoke to her over the past five years, largely thanks to Beeminder and just having that regular prompt.

Some may think that you don’t need a tool to remind you to speak with your mother, or do something nice for your partner, but I did, and I’d guess we all don’t do as much of the things we really want to do.

So I just wanted to thank @dreev and @bee for making Beeminder. I’ve written elsewhere about how you helped me write + get my PhD and many other smaller but no less significant goals. Productivity is one thing, but you also gave me over 200 hours more conversations, connection and time with my mother. I am truly grateful.


Thank you for this beautiful and inspiring post. I’m so sorry for your loss.


Thank you for sharing this. I think I can speak for everyone in saying that we’re proud to have been any part of that, and we’re all sending you our condolences.

Take care, and do let support know if you need any help with your goals while you grieve. We’ll sort things out if you need it.


I am an absolute puddle and am making a Beeminder goal to call my parents right now.

Thank you so much, Alex, and I’m so sorry about your mom.


Alex, I’m sorry for your loss.


:hugs: and :sparkles: — Beeminder makes a great avoidance-of-regret tool.

I’ve got one too, and have spoken to my mother at least 3-4x more often in the last 8 years (!) than I did in the 13 years before that.

And a reminder for anyone else whose tearjerk reaction is to create this kind of goal: bee nice to yourself and meet yourself where you are. You don’t have to go from never remembering to call to phoning every day or week or anything remotely drastic.