Indecision journaling together

Life
21
  1. Invited a few people at work to join me for bubble tea. They said they already had something scheduled though. But somehow I didn’t have to think much before doing it.
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22

  1. Asked to be banned in a chat group where I kept lurking alot (and occasionally getting frustrated as well). Previously I would’ve probably spent a much longer time considering.

  2. Going to Pride today even though I don’t even know if I want to go there or what I will be doing there. Just going because I’m going.

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23
  1. Once again started laundry late (midnight!) just because there’s no choice. If I don’t have clean clothes tomorrow, I won’t have clean clothes tomorrow. It’s nice not to have choice.
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24

i hope you had a good time!

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25

I did!

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26

I didn’t, that day, but I’m doing it for the past few days.
Life’s alright :sunglasses:

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27

  1. Just messaged my landlord, asking him if he’ll sign a new contract for the next year.

    • (I feel anxiety now, and… I think it’s because I don’t trust myself to handle the situation if he says “no”. I’ll just procrastinate on finding a new apt until I’m on the street with all my things.)

      • (For what it’s worth, this is true. It will happen. Whatever.)

  2. At work, used “Emily” in branch name.

  3. At work, made a PR that doesn’t belong to any jira but that I think is good.

  4. At work, wrote in a chat that I’ll reveal my salary if five people commit to do the same.

    • (Turns out most people have B2B contracts so they’re in a more precarious position, but still a good try.)

  5. Mentioned my game http://ches.vercel.app in the Chess Simp discord.

    • (Chess with challenges like “can only put your pieces on the light squares” etc.)
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28

  1. Told the landlord I’ll be extending apt lease for another year. Whatever.

  2. Went to a pride party at work, saw that I didn’t have much desire to stay there, immediately left. The whole thing took like five minutes. Neat.

  3. Randomly streaming Ches development in the Chess Simp discord. Not even announcing anything anymore. Just starting stream and working silently. If I hear somebody joining, I say hi. Or cześć. Also neat.

  4. Was feeling somewhat upset that I don’t know how to find people to play Terraria with. Googled random servers. Joined and just asked questions in chat. “Where do I go, what do I do”. Eventually found a server that was manageable for me, I think.

  5. At work lunch, said that maybe I could do a workshop about a certain library (acid-state). Two people out of three said yes. Went back to work, wrote an email saying “whoever is interested in the workshop, write to me”. Very neat.

  6. Was looking at the [official employer] email inbox yesterday, noticed somebody asking me to complete a mood survey. Saw questions like “how satisfied are you with your onboarding” etc. Wrote a pageful on how I don’t know who my onboarding buddy is, how I have ADHD and it’s hard for me to put energy into resolving various things when 99% of my time is spent at the [de facto job], etc. If somebody starts a big discussion about it, I’ll just say “yes” to everything and then will continue mostly ignoring the official employer.

    • I feel comfortable doing things behind people’s backs now. “Are you satisfied with everything?” — “Yes”. Leave the restaurant and write a three-star review. Would it have been better to answer honestly? Maybe. Don’t know, don’t care. Not a brave person. Might become braver, on my own timeframe.

  7. Wrote an email at work saying that I’m Emily now. Explicitly said it’s an experiment rather than an official coming-out. Again, could’ve been better to [whatever]. Not comfortable making demands on random people, I hope they’ll deal with it somehow.

Mood: No. - YouTube.

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