Indecision journaling together

Let’s beat indecision. I’ll start.

  1. Made this topic, even though I’m worried nobody but me will be using it and also it’s named badly.

  2. Used my personal email when buying tickets for a work conference, even though somebody could say later “Why the hell, you should’ve used your work email”. (I have two employees so I didn’t know which email to use.)

  3. Added code into some modules at work, without first asking people “where do you think this should go” or leaving comments like “XXX decide where this should go”.


Don’t worry, there is always enbee to leave a like and me adding a comment while I should be waking up and going to work :slight_smile:


i do actually have a big decision to make that i might appreciate input on, but it’s not very beemindery, and it also doesn’t really matter what i eventually decide on, because i know that either way will turn into something amazing.


Soooo do you want input or nah? :stuck_out_tongue:


i still need to decide that. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

no, just kidding, i just decided that the existence of this thread is a sign to gather input from people, if anyone has any thoughts to share about this firstest-of-world-problems.

decision to be made:

  • i will travel to asia with my best friend next year, for 3 weeks. we’ll definitely go to japan for at least 2 weeks. maybe we will also go to south korea for a few days. that decision is basically up to me.
  • i know that both options would be amazing. i know that a japan-only-trip would be as amazing as a south-korea-and-japan-trip. there’s really no wrong decision here! (which makes it so difficult :p)


  • i’m interested in both countries, and in both languages.
  • i already know a littlest bit of japanese. (i can read all kana, at least, and do relatively well on duolingo sometimes :p) i don’t even know the korean alphabet yet.
  • if we decide to go to both countries, i’d want to at least learn the korean alphabet and start learning some basics, (words, phrases, grammar, etc.). that’s obviously quite a bit of time i’d need to invest that would be preventing me from improving my japanese further.
  • (the difference would probably be negligible, though. it’s not like if i focused only on japanese, i’d reach a significantly higher level of understanding than if i’d also take some time “away” from japanese learning to focus on korean as well.)

there’s other arguments to be made, of course, but i think for me the core question really boils down to this language dilemma. also i tried my best to keep this post much shorter than my usual ramblings, for various reasons. :p

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Oh! I don’t want to ignore this (since I asked), but… I never in my life thought about learning a language before traveling somewhere, so it’s hard to say anything useful. Maybe somebody else has been in a similar situation though!

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no worries! the decision is neither urgent nor super critical (like i said, i know i’ll be happy with either outcome!), but if anyone has any thoughts to share i’ll happily take them into consideration!

i also want to clarify that “learning a language before traveling” is not my usual modus operandi. XD this is a special case because i’m interested in both languages! (for example, i was in copenhagen last summer and made no efforts to learn danish prior to the trip.)
like, since i’m already intersted in learning korean as well, it would feel like a waste to travel to south korea without getting down some basics first …

I think it depends on your own circumstances…

  • taking a plane = high cost ($, stress, packing, sleep loss, heavy baggages, destroying the planet)
  • Without taking travel costs into account, I would prefer going to Korea rather than staying in Japan for a third week

So for me, there are two solutions:

  1. Optimise cost of flight → always a good investment for the future to learn how to fly properly
  2. Stay in Japan; travel slightly to recreate the “omg, new place!” experience :slightly_smiling_face:

I don’t think that flying is really sustainable anyway, so I’d choose to stay in Japan.

But it’s going to be different for you, because the “omg, new place!” effect is better with a friend. So it makes the cost of flying smaller in comparaison. Also, you love Korea. You might also not be as flight-averse as I am. Or you might prefer staying in a place a long time. So yeah. Did I add indecision on top of your indecision? I’m indecisive now

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thanks for your input! i maybe should have mentioned that we wouldn’t fly from one country to another—there’s an overnight ferry for i think about 100€ per person from busan to fukuoka (?) that we would take to get from south korea to japan.
i’m also not as flight-averse as you seem to be.

i don’t like the “destroying the planet” part, but the others aren’t as much a problem for me, or rather they’re not plane-specific. (i’ve taken overnight trains that didn’t allow me to sleep well, etc.)
i very well might become long-distance-flight-averse after this trip, though, we’ll see!

i guess that’s a good question to ask myself! i’ve only ever stayed somewhere else for so long during one semester of uni abroad, i’ve never had such long continus vacations, let alone to the same place. although it wouldn’t really feel like the same place, probably, because we’d be traveling to so many cities, so they would probably feel “new placey” enough anyway.

the amazing thing about traveling with my best friends is that he loves to do and is used to doing all the planning. he found the busan-fukuoka ferry and calculated with the intended travel budget, and then he suggested it because he knows i’m recently interested in south korea as well. so i don’t really have to worry about these things at all. he has all the routine of when to book flights and accommodations, etc. i just have to worry about my language-learning plans, and what decision to make. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:
(maybe i could look into korean language courses! :eyes: i’ve considered this for japanese a few times, but wouldn’t really know where to start, because my level is so weird thanks to studying all by myself, and i also assume my active skills are disproportionally worse than my passive skills.)


Meanwhile, a new batch of indecision decisions for the past few days!

  1. My job wants me to go to a conference (Lambda Days) and pay for the ticket out of my own pocket, which they will later reimburse. I agonized for a while re/ whether I should cancel the existing ticket reservation (made in the company name) and book a personal one. But decided to just pay out the existing invoice and if the job says “oh no, you should’ve done [the former]” it’ll somehow get sorted out anyway.

    • In general it’s a common theme with me — I don’t know how to make decisions where the consequences are unknown, because I expect to get shouted at. This is why I made this thread in the first place.
  2. Decided to stay in the same apartment in Warsaw for another year. It’s okay and I know I won’t have the energy to look for a different apartment.

  3. Used superglue instead of [whatever is the proper glue] to attach… uh… metal things to the floor. Don’t know how they are called. Again, maybe I’ll get shouted at but whatever.


Your friend looks like the dream friend :joy:

If you already have learned their version of Kanjis, maybe you could start with a simple 5k most frequent vocabulary deck on Anki? For Spanish I found it both super efficient at improving passive skills and super fun to do in my lunch break.

Edit: here’s a good curation of Anki decks for language learning: Best Anki Decks for Language Learning - 2023
(Sometimes you have to edit them and do a few configuration steps, so if you go through with it, make sure to read the fine print :slightly_smiling_face:)

If you go one later down: does it even matter if you get shouted at? Yes I glued metal stuff on my floor, you’re irresonably angry about it even though you are an adult, so what? :sunglasses:

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I don’t know what the further consequences are. Maybe once my landlord doesn’t like me, they’ll kick me out the next time my rent is two days late. (I have no idea if it’s legally possible or not, but maybe.) Also unlikely that legally they’ll be able to withhold the entire deposit b/c of spoiled floors… but also possible in my mind.

I don’t think the solution for me is to think “it doesn’t matter”, but maybe “I’ll be able to weather the worst if it happens”. Find a new apartment, a new job, whatever. Generally this sort of approach has been working for me in the past half a year.


Indecision decisions!

  1. Changed my name to Emily in more places. I’m actually pretty proud of myself here — I can play with it without either having to decide what it “means”, or having to say “nah it doesn’t mean anything”.

  2. Threw out the salad greens. They’ve gone limp. Likely still edible but nah.

  3. Decided that I won’t host a group of couchsurfers with only one reference, because it’s the prudent thing to do. The decision felt a bit like resigning to fate, but not in a bad way.

  1. Today I planned to go watch a movie with somebody, but at the last moment she decided to also invite [a person I’m not talking to]. (The situation is somewhat unclear, so hold your judgment).

    Immediately said that I’ll just go by myself then; bought a ticket; poof. Walking out of the cinema theater now.

    (The movie was Post Performance Blues Band, a documentary about a failing music band that one of the band members shot while the band was actually failing in real time. I recommend it. Especially if you have struggling projects of your own. It’s doing a festival circuit right now so it seems like finding it might be tricky though. is one option until Jun 6, but might only be available from Poland — not sure.)

  1. Today and yesterday I just left work early b/c I wanted to do something else (see the Mexican ambassador; have a chat with people I owe money to). Feels ok.

  2. Speaking of “people I owe money to” – I was avoiding booking a call with them for a while, but finally did it on Monday because… eh. Some kind of “get it over with”. Or maybe becoming stronger! Or more indifferent. Or more willing to go with the flow.

  3. Wrote to my team lead and said “I think the way I’ve been learning the codebase in the past month wasn’t productive for me, let’s have a chat tomorrow about other options”. Also more willing to go with the flow. I want to call it “resigned”, but it’s actually more positive than that.

  4. Multiple times over the past few days – just submitted half-finished edits to our internal wiki instead of trying to cover a topic exhaustively.

  5. Uh… yesterday at the Mexican ambassador meeting thing I just went ahead and asked a question when it was time for the audience to ask questions. It felt like “I don’t care, I just want to have an answer”. Going with the flow.

  6. Switched to she/her in family chat without explaining anything.

  7. Started laundry at 10:30pm just because it’s a laundry day today. Yeah, I’ll go to sleep later than I wanted to, but I don’t care too much. It’s laundry day. Going with the flow.

  1. Messaged — without thinking too much — a girl who recognized me and gave me her phone number

  2. Yesterday couchsurfers left a wet rag in my bathroom, and I asked if I can put it for a quick washing machine cycle (instead of just tolerating the smell)

  3. Left a walking tour early because I know that I don’t like walking tours


I like it a lot, you inspired me! I will “go with the flow” today too.


@clouedoc did you manage to go with the flow re/ anything?


  1. Typed “- - -“ above even though I actually have no idea if it’s actually going to turn into a horizontal line. (Update: apparently it will.)

  2. Generally noticing that I started thinking less before asking someone something. At work & at the conference today. I still hesitate sometimes, but I think it turned from “I hesitate every time and then blame myself” to “often I don’t hesitate almost at all”.

  3. Left a talk today because I didn’t like the style. I was somewhat indecisive for two minutes but then went ahead and out.

  4. Spent almost no time deciding that I’m not going to go to McDonald’s even if I’m hungry. Just “yeah there’ll be something else down the street”. There was a vegan burger place I forgot about (Krowarzywa) and it was good.

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super valuable resource (i find) from a recent daily (?) beemail: Danny's Agonizing Guide to Agonizing Decisions
@dreev posted that link also in another thread here recently, but it’s very fitting for an indecision journal, so i copied it over again. i think my personal biggest take-away is:

If one option is scarier then pick it. Why? Isn’t scariness perfectly good Bayesian evidence of badness? It totally is, but given that you’re agonizing about whether to pick it anyway, it must have a lot of corresponding goodness to offset the scariness. And since you’re a human, you’re probably overweighting the fear / anxiety / ugh-factor, etc.

i think i’ll keep that in mind for the future, it sounds very reasonable!
i did end up choosing the scarier option with regards to my travel-dilemma, by the way. (scarier because it means i’ll have to learn an additional language :p)

it also works without the spaces! (so just ---)
the web version of the forum has an amazing preview built-in, btw, which lets you see the result of every markdown thing as soon as you type it.

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Forcing myself to do scary things is hard tho. But I’ll see if I manage to apply it somehow.

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  1. Much easier to answer emails at work recently. There are some people I feel apprehensive about — like they would disapprove of [whatever my instinct tells me to write]. But I press send anyway.

    • Generally I feel tired of assuming that if I don’t know what’s gonna happen, it will be something bad. I don’t even think it’s true that the bad thing won’t happen. It might happen. I still feel tired. If the bad thing happens, so be it. Fire me, whatever. Just get out of my head.

    • Seni-relatedly, I noticed that my mood spoils when I don’t do the scarier / more courageous thing. I don’t have to change it but I want to be aware of it.

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